And the winners are...

Grand Prize Winner: Neil de la Flor

“I had sex with a student... in a dream. I didn't know it would happen. I can't control dreams. Or can I? Nevertheless, it was a sex dream. I won't tell you the kind of sex dream. Dream or no dream, its the intent that counts, right? I hope not. At least that's what I learned about in my eastern philosophy course. Now I can't look _____ in the eyes. And it shouldn't influence this student's grade, even though I had sex with _____ in my dream. Have I grown into that cliche professor who sleeps with his students? But it was a dream but the difference between dream and reality is a bit clouded even though we'd like to pretend otherwise.”

Runner Up: Jason Julien

“So I was up in the U.P. (upper peninsula of Michigan—which is kinda like being in the Fargo movie) for a funeral of a relative. I was in high school and ticked off that my parents forced me to go to the middle of nowhere in the winter. So I was pouting at the hotel and my aunt came in and said that her son would be able to take me around town that night. I figured it would be better than hanging with my folks so I went. We went out to a club and hung out with a bunch of his friends (all of which were very cute girls). I was starting to get somewhere with one of them when he came over and said, ‘cmon, we need to go.’ I reluctantly agreed. We were driving for awhile outside of town and I asked where we were going. He pulled the car over in an abandoned factory lot. He proceeded to tell me that he was very attracted to me and was jealous that I was hooking up with his friend because he wanted it to be with him!!!! EW! I said, ‘whoa, whoa, whoa dude. First of all, I dig chicks. Secondly, you are my cousin. And even if you were a hot girl cousin, that would still be nasty. Take me back to the club, or I'll have to beat the tar out of you and leave you for dead out here in the middle of nowhere.’ So yeah...very awkward, and looking back, very funny.”

Runner Up: Blaise Spitaleri

“On my way to the Airport to catch a flight and running very late, I must have stepped in some dog feces and dragged it through the airport and onto the plane. Everyone knew it was me. When I got up to use the bathroom it trailed through and cleaning the shoe in the bathroom did not help much, it only made it wet.”